. . .
Do you sound like a really tired middle-aged man like "ohhhh noooooooo" every time something happens because that's what I hear when I read your lines.

Sure, why not. I don’t care.

Clearly you haven't heard yourself talk AYYYYYY

And so have none of you people.

Do ye rememba the wansla?
Anonymous

Leave.

Onceler. But like WANSLA. Once=WANS. Ler=LA.

That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard so far.

"wansla" is still available if you wanted to have a really bad Boston accent.

What the flaming hell is a “wansla”.

Sorry sir but your Tumblr clearly refers to you as Kinkler.

Only because onceler dot tumblr dot com was taken. I can’t be bothered changing it if I can’t have my name as the url.

Kinky Once-ler more like "Wow I'm 30 but I have the humor and vigor of an old man".

My name is not “Kinky” Once-ler. it’s just Once-ler.

Are you sure that's your mother?

Yes.

News flash, your mom is a few inches short a head by the neck and dead, dead, very very dead.
Anonymous

I’d be hard for my mother to wear all those hats I dug out of her walk-in closet if she didn’t have a head to put them on.

Kinkler more like "when i was your age we were taught to reject all ideas-ler".

Can we please stop acting like I’m 70 or something like that? I recently turned 30. It’s not that bloody far from 20, or whatever the most common age for the people on this damn site is.

I can imagine it can be really lonely, for the both of you. What does she ask you to bring her? I hope she's not making things difficult.

No, just…. Small things. Simple things, like the makeup bag she left in a dresser. Complained a little that I hadn’t been taking better care of her belongings, but that’s alright. I’ll buy her new and better things soon.

You could always just do that thing kids back in 2009 did and color your hair with Sharpies. Then you can be rad and sad at the same time.

I’ve dyed my hair in enough wild colours during my lifetime as it is, so no thank you.

The fruit and tufts of the trees outside must really be super duper awful if your mom wants you to collect more seeds to keep trying. But it's not working so far, bummer! What else does your mom have you do?

Oh, uhm, well… I bring her some things she tells me to go get now and then, since there’s no servants around here anymore… But I’ll hire some folks when the business starts up again. They’ll make sure she’s given everything she want at any time of the day while I’m busy selling Thneeds again.

Other than that I just try to keep her company the best I can. It can be rather lonely out here in the valley.

"my hair has a little touch of grey in it" have you looked in a mirror

I haven’t bothered to for some time now.

You could use a haircut, or hair dye, maybe some exfoliator *gasps* I smell a makeover~

Gasp! I smell a “not happening, ever”.