. . .

Well, uhm, I suppose it wouldn’t be too troublesome to-

[bzzt-bzzt-bzzt]

Uhhh…

[bzzt-bzzt]

"Sweet stuff"? Postcard??? Guess they must’ve gotten the wrong number, whoever "they" now are. Ugh, you’d think people would know to make sure they have the right information-

[bzzt-bzzt-bzzt]

…….

How can it be another day if it's still the same freaking day!!!!
Anonymous

The clock still goes tick-tock-tick-tock, even if the sun doesn’t want to play along!

Does the sun even move at all? Is there a sun? How many days have you been there already!?
Anonymous

Tsh tsh, Irrelevant! Every day spent is another day biggering my wealth, what else matters!?

I wouldn’t say it’s dark at all. It’s not exactly light either, but a greyish inbetween?

… Come to think about it, I haven’t noticed the weather being any different from this for quite some time. It hasn’t been sunny, dark or even raining any of the times I’ve looked out through a window.

image

Hmm…

Bah, probably just that pesky Mustache playing his tricks on me again. Nice try buddy, but I’m still not going to move away from here.

image

I have a business to keep on biggering, after all!

so like approximately how much dick did you suck/bitches did you fuck last night bc DAMN youre happy as fuck
Anonymous

Excuse you?

Or just stop being OLD.

How could I be old when life has only started? No, dear customer, I have decades and decades more to keep on biggering!

I do not like -his- greens, Mr. Once-ler.

Suppose you’ll have to find some greens that are more to your liking, then.

I don't believe in santa clause, but, I do believe in Oncelers. Can I sit on your lap?

No, afraid not.

Honey I think you're a little more than having just a little gray and white in your hair.

Suppose I should stop poking my head around the machinery in the factory then, if I’m getting that much dust in my hair.

In my case, will it be a nice big smooch from the Jolly Green Thneed Giant himself?

Afraid not, unless you meant this jolly green giant.

If you ask nicely I’m sure he’ll give you one.

Your hair's white enough for you to be Santa.

Judging by that logic, everyone with a touch of grey in their hair would be Santa Claus. Doesn’t sound very plausible, now does it?

I have a question in regards to the upcoming holidays - say, someone wanted to come to your office, sit on your lap, and tell you what they wanted. Would that be appropriate?

You seem to have mistaken me for Santa Claus, a very popular figure in western festivities. I don’t bring gifts to all the good little children, but if you’ve been nice this year, perhaps Santa himself will leave something everyone needs under your tree.

everyones already got thneeds man calm down

But how could they, I’m just getting started!

chill

With a Thneed, everyone can be as chill as they please!

But what if we wanted a Thneed to be signed by you? Would that be okay to come to you for?

Ah, a fine customer of the arts! Every shop should have a minimum of 5 hand-knit and signed by myself Thneeds. But be warned, they tend to run out daily!